Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
