apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't turn off my feet"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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