whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
