my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
