the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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