she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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