He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
