PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
