hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
