Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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