Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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