Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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