I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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