who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
