I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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