I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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