this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
