Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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