i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
