Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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