I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
