Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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