Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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