I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to make a zoo with you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
