Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
