It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
