question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
