these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
