She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
