I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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