yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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