What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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