Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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