i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
