I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
