Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
