and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
