Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
