Porn is love you can see.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
