Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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