Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
