i already hear my dad disowning me
high people should be assigned attendants
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
