Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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