If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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