you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
