We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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