I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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