It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
