Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
