rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
