I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
