I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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