Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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