if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
