you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
