So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
