He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
