Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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