Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
