You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
