Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
