There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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