youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
