My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
