and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
