It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
