I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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