a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
