I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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