my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
