we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
