i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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