i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
